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About Deviant Artist Member Riku RoseFemale/United States Groups :iconwriting-4-life: Writing-4-life
Writing till the end of time!!
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Deviant for 2 Years
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Riku Rose
United States
Well im 14, i play the guitar,write my own songs and poems,and sing. I enjoy reading,writing, playing sports (mainly basketball), hanging out wiht my friends and sleeping in. Just because im a girl doesnt mean i like shopping ( i hate it) i like pink (ew *shudder* ) and i dont like punching. I love boxing.Im learning it myself.Well i guess thats it

Current Residence: California
Favourite genre of music: rock
Favourite photographer: Bobby
Favourite style of art: graffiti
Favourite cartoon character: Riku
Personal Quote: I am me,you dont like it get the hell of my page ^.^
  • Mood: Miserable
  • Listening to: Mz. Hyde by halestorm
I've been having issues lately. Maybe it's just my new birth control that's fucking with my emotions or something else, but whatever it is I don't feel happy anymore. Instead I feel upset, sad, angry, stressed and panicky on an almost daily basis. Something needs to change and soon or I'm just going to snap like a twig. It all feels robotic, the smiles, the laughter, the joy and confidence and self assurance. No, none of that feels really to me anymore. What does feel real is when I sit in my room by myself and try not to think of how big a fuck up I am. Or how I screwed up that day, or everything I didn't do. Beating myself up for I did or said or even didn't say, that's real. Lying here bawling my eyes out because I fucked up again, or I stressed myself into a panic attack, or I just feel like there's never a way out or an end to this, that's real. Sitting here at 4 in the morning staring at my knife, listening to it's taunting whisper in my ear, the sweetest of pains, that's real. What isn't real is everyone who said they cared about me and let me down. Everyone who ever said they missed me so much and then left me waiting for days on end only to never heard from them again. Everyone who said they'd be there for me,night or day I could call and they'd answer, and then when I did the phone just kept ringing. Those things and people aren't real,not to me anymore. It's expected, so it doesn't bother me, at least I tell myself that. No, what bothers me is that I thought that I was different. I had the balls to think that I was special. Turns out I was wrong. I'm not different or special, I'm as unreal and fake as the rest. 
Like wires covered in tin, I'm just a robot covered in skin. 
No thoughts, no soul, no feelings, 
Just words with empty meanings 

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MrsVanZyl Jun 18, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I;m crazy please put me back on my meds!! :XD:
Na, it's more fun when your crazy ^. ^ and sorry its been so long man
MrsVanZyl Aug 16, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Hey don't worry! I'm just super glad you're back :D
Haha me too, but it's hard to get one here now that I'm on independent study
(1 Reply)
MrsVanZyl Dec 31, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Happy New Year :D
todAysFire Oct 26, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Haappppyyyy biiiirrrttthhhhdddaaaayyy!!!!!!!! :)))))))))
Aww thank you ^.^
todAysFire Oct 29, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
May all your wishes come true! :)
SuperGirlSwag Oct 26, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
Happy birthday!!!!
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